Devotion Versus Codependence Discernment

Mirabai loved with extraordinary intensity, yet her devotion didn't erode her autonomy or moral clarity. She refused marriage, rejected family pressure, and maintained boundaries even in surrender. This distinction matters urgently: anxious attachment often disguises itself as "deep love" or "passionate commitment," but codependence lacks Mirabai's steady internal compass. The discernment practice asks: Am I choosing this person to avoid abandonment, or from genuine recognition? Am I changing my values to keep them, or growing alongside them? Am I monitoring their feelings to regulate my own sense of safety, or genuinely interested in their flourishing? Do I lose myself in the relationship, or maintain creative work, friendships, spiritual practice? Mirabai tended her own garden—poetry, prayer, music—while loving Krishna. Her devotion included fierce self-respect. In modern relationships, this means examining whether your attachment style involves self-abandonment (codependence) or self-offering (devotion). The crucial difference: devotion strengthens your core; codependence dissolves it. Can you love this person while remaining fundamentally yourself?