Devotion Versus Dependency

Mirabai's devotion to Krishna was characterized by joyful surrender and ecstatic expression, not desperate clinging or fear-based control. In modern attachment, this distinction becomes crucial: are you devoted to your partner or dependent on them? Devotion involves choosing to show up with your whole self, celebrating their growth, maintaining your own identity and practices. Dependency involves needing them to complete you, fearing their loss above all, surrendering your autonomy. Mirabai never lost herself in Krishna—she became more fully herself, more creative, more articulate, more alive. She sang constantly; she wasn't diminished by love. Anxious attachment often looks like devotion but operates as dependency: "I'll do anything to keep you, change for you, make you happy." Secure attachment learns from Mirabai's model: "I love you AND I love my own becoming. I want to be with you AND I want to be fully alive." The examined heart can feel the difference—devotion expands the chest; dependency tightens it. Choosing partners within the capacity for true devotion rather than desperate dependency creates sustainable attachment.