Mirabai's embrace of both suffering and ecstasy in love teaches that secure attachment includes capacity to hold both pain and joy without seeking to eliminate one.
Dukha (suffering) and sukha (joy) are the natural polarities of existence and relationship. Mirabai didn't flee suffering or cling to joy—she moved fluidly through both as part of her devotional practice. This reframes a core attachment problem: the attempt to use relationships to escape dukha. Anxious attachment often seeks partners to soothe pain and provide constant sukha; avoidant attachment withdraws from relationships when dukha appears. Secure attachment, modeled by Mirabai, requires accepting that meaningful love includes both states. You will feel joy in your partner's presence and pain in their limitation or absence. You will experience vulnerability and strength, harmony and conflict. Rather than leaving relationships when difficult emotions arise, or staying in harmful ones because of pleasant moments, Mirabai's practice teaches you to hold both. This means developing tolerance for the ambivalence that characterizes real relationships—loving someone and being angry at them, feeling connected and needing space. When you stop seeking relationships to be purely sukha and can tolerate dukha as part of loving, your attachment becomes far more stable.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
Explore related journeys or tell Peri what you're working through.