Grief as Gateway

Mirabai's devotion was inseparable from longing and separation; she grieved her distance from Krishna even as she felt his presence. Rather than bypassing grief, she moved through it into wisdom. In modern Autonomy and Togetherness, we often avoid grief—in breakups, in setting boundaries, in accepting that no single relationship can meet all needs. But ungrieved loss hardens into either rigid independence or desperate clinging. When we allow ourselves to truly grieve—the relationship that ended, the version of ourselves we release, the togetherness we cannot have—we soften. That softening paradoxically strengthens both our autonomy (we're no longer defended) and our capacity for authentic togetherness. Grief becomes the gateway to compassion, first for ourselves, then for others.