Love Beyond Transaction and Utility

Mirabai loved Krishna despite—indeed, because—he offered nothing practical. He did not provide security, social status, or comfort. Her love was radically non-transactional. Modern attachment is often instrumentalized: we choose partners for financial stability, social status, child-rearing capacity, or emotional labor without recognizing the transaction. Anxious attachment often offers itself up as useful to avoid abandonment; avoidant attachment maintains distance to avoid being exploited. Mirabai's model suggests examining: Do I love this person for who they are, or for what they provide? Am I choosing a partner or a utility? Would I love them if they lost money, status, or physical ability? This doesn't mean ignoring practical compatibility, but recognizing it distinct from love itself. Secure attachment emerges when we choose partners for genuine resonance rather than instrumental need. Partners selected for their essential selves, not their utility, create relationships where both people feel valued as whole beings rather than servants to each other's needs.