The Paradox of Loving the Changing Self

Mirabai existed in multiple states simultaneously—saint and lover, renunciate and householder in memory, ecstatic and grounded. She never fixed herself or Krishna in one identity. Anticipatory grief often rests on a hidden assumption: that there is a stable "them" we will lose. But people are always changing, always becoming. The person you're grieving in advance is not the person they were five years ago, nor who they'll be in their final days. This concept invites a more dynamic view: instead of "I will lose this fixed person," ask "How are we both changing? Who are we becoming together, and who will we each become after?" This doesn't diminish loss—physical separation is real and painful. But it releases the fantasy of a static beloved. Mirabai's tradition teaches loving the eternal, which includes loving the flowing, impermanent, always-shifting manifestation of someone. Anticipatory grief becomes less about clinging to a version and more about meeting each day's version fully. This frees you from grieving a person who has already begun to change, and grounds you in the actual human before you, now.