Secure attachment requires accepting your actual partner—their limits, their humanness—rather than the fantasy version who will finally make you whole.
Insecure attachment thrives on fantasy: the anxious partner imagines that if they just try harder, their partner will become consistently available. The avoidant partner imagines a partner who needs nothing from them. Both are in relationship with an imagined being, not a real human. Mirabai's radical path was loving Krishna as he actually was—infinitely distant, impossible, not coming to rescue her—rather than as she wished him to be. This is mature love. Radical acceptance means seeing your partner's genuine limitations without resentment: they cannot always be present, they have their own wounds, they will sometimes disappoint you, they are not responsible for your happiness. This is not settling; it's the most sophisticated form of love. When you accept what is rather than fighting for what could be, you stop wasting energy on denial and can respond with clarity. You can choose to stay in genuine connection or leave with honesty. You can love without the desperate contract that demands your partner fix your brokenness. Radical acceptance is paradoxically the gateway to real intimacy because it releases your partner from the impossible job of being your salvation.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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