The Skandal of Love: Freedom Beyond Social Approval

Mirabai's story is one of radical transgression: a widow who renounced remarriage, danced publicly in ecstatic devotion, rejected her husband's family, and ultimately left conventional life entirely. Her choices scandalized her society, yet she persisted because genuine love required freedom from social approval. This directly addresses a hidden driver of many attachment patterns: the internalized shame and social anxiety that make us choose partners for their status, hide aspects of ourselves, or perform versions of love that society deems acceptable. Anxious attachment often roots in early messages that love is conditional on good behavior or achievement; avoidant attachment frequently reflects internalized messages that needs are shameful or that independence equals worth. Mirabai's example invites examination: To what extent does fear of social judgment shape your relationship choices? Do you love this person or love the image you create together? Are you free to be yourself—flawed, needy, joyful, angry—in this relationship? The skandal of love is that it may require disappointing others to honor yourself. This concept supports the difficult work of distinguishing between legitimate social wisdom and internalized shame.