Kleshas: The Five Relationship Afflictions

The kleshas are five fundamental afflictions that Patanjali identifies as roots of all suffering: avidya (ignorance), asmita (ego), raga (attachment/craving), dvesha (aversion), and abhinivesha (fear of death/loss). In attachment relationships, these create predictable suffering. Avidya: not understanding your own attachment wounds or your partner's inner world. Asmita: protecting a fragile ego identity ('I'm unlovable') that prevents vulnerability. Raga: desperately clinging to your partner, fantasizing they'll complete you. Dvesha: pushing away the partner who triggers old wounds. Abhinivesha: terror of abandonment driving anxious surveillance. Recognizing these kleshas operating in your relationship illuminates why you suffer. The work isn't to eliminate these tendencies immediately but to develop awareness of how they function. This understanding breaks their unconscious power. By naming 'This is raga—I'm grasping,' you create psychological distance that allows conscious choice. The kleshas framework provides a map for understanding attachment's architecture and a pathway toward freedom.