Practicing acceptance of your partner and relationship as they are, reducing the anxious pursuit of fantasy connections or comparisons with others.
Santosha, one of Patanjali's niyamas (observances), is contentment—a radical acceptance of what is rather than constant grasping for what could be. In modern relationships, insecure attachment often manifests as chronic dissatisfaction: anxious partners imagine perfect futures with their partner, then feel devastated when reality falls short. Avoidant partners minimize commitment because they believe the "perfect" person exists elsewhere. Social media amplifies this through endless relationship comparisons. Santosha teaches that genuine satisfaction arises from appreciating the specific, imperfect person you're actually in relationship with. This doesn't mean tolerating abuse or settling for fundamentally incompatible partners—it means releasing the fantasy of a "perfect" partner who will complete you. When you practice santosha, you notice your partner's actual kindnesses rather than focus on unmet expectations. You appreciate their particular humor, their unique vulnerabilities, their genuine efforts. This shift from fantasy to appreciation is deeply healing for attachment. Partners who practice santosha feel genuinely seen and valued for who they actually are, not held to impossible standards. This realistic, accepting love is far more nourishing and secure than the conditional love based on whether someone meets your fantasy needs.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
Explore related journeys or tell Peri what you're working through.