The Debt of Presence Over Position

Rabia's legacy emphasizes that love is measured by the quality of presence given, not by calculation of benefit or status. Favoritism often disguises itself as legitimate preference—we spend more time with talented mentees, invest in promising relationships, attend to powerful figures. But this framework reveals favoritism's hidden cost: we impoverish those we deem less useful while exhausting ourselves through strategic relationship management. Rabia offered a radical alternative: the depth of presence we offer should flow from their humanity, not their position or potential return. In communities and workplaces, this concept challenges merit-based hierarchies of attention. It asks: Who receives your genuine listening? Who gets your rushed, half-present self? The cost of position-based presence is that favoritism becomes normalized—"natural"—and we lose the capacity for authentic connection across difference. By reordering our attention according to presence rather than position, we transform both ourselves and those we've previously dismissed.