The Ego's Need to Choose Sides

Rabia al-Adawiyya's entire spiritual practice centered on dissolving the ego—the self that separates, judges, and chooses favorites. The ego needs hierarchy, distinction, and sides because it survives through comparison and exclusion. When we favor certain people, we unconsciously reinforce a story about who 'we' are and who belongs to our tribe. This pattern appears in families, organizations, and movements alike: the need to declare some members more valued, more deserving, more 'us' than others. Rabia taught that this psychological mechanism is the root of suffering. By recognizing this pattern in ourselves—noticing when we're drawn to favor those like us or those who serve our interests—we create space for genuine spiritual growth. The cost of satisfying the ego's need to choose sides is the loss of our larger Self, the one that recognizes kinship with all beings and finds pure joy in universal devotion.