The Ego's Need to Be Chosen

Favoritism often stems from the ego's primal wound: the fear that we are not inherently worthy of love. When we show favoritism toward certain people or receive it, we're attempting to prove our specialness—a fragile defense against feeling invisible or disposable. Rabia's legacy teaches that this pattern perpetuates suffering in both the favored and the excluded. The favored person becomes trapped in performing worthiness; the excluded person internalizes rejection as truth. By recognizing this dynamic, we can examine: whom do I favor, and what wound am I trying to heal through their special status? Rabia's answer was to redirect that hunger for chosen-ness toward the Divine, transforming the need to be special into the peace of being equally loved. This reframing breaks the cycle of favoritism-driven communities and creates space for authentic belonging.