The Hidden Cost of Hidden Preference

Many instances of favoritism go unnamed and unexamined, buried in the unconscious choices we make about whose calls we return first, whose ideas we praise, whose mistakes we forgive. This hiddenness multiplies the damage. Rabia's insistence on transparency and integrity—loving openly, without pretense—stands in stark contrast to the modern habit of concealing preference behind neutral language. When favoritism is hidden, it becomes toxic: the disfavored sense something is wrong but cannot name it; the favored experience guilt they won't admit; the system becomes corrupt because no one speaks the truth. The cost includes eroded trust, internalized shame for those excluded, and a fragmented self for those who practice duplicity. Rabia's spiritual path required radical honesty about the state of the heart. Applied to favoritism, this means naming it when we see it, both in ourselves and in our institutions. Only when the preference is brought to light can it be examined, understood, and potentially transcended. Silence allows it to fester and spread.