Rabia's teaching on sustainable devotion helps adoptive parents distinguish between genuine love and codependent over-functioning that harms both parent and child.
Rabia's love was radical but not self-annihilating; she maintained boundaries even in her most devoted states. She refused to make anyone responsible for her spiritual state and did not demand reciprocal devotion. Many adoptive parents, driven by rescue narratives or guilt about privilege, unconsciously over-function—managing the child's emotions, healing, identity, and relationships. This exhausts the parent and robs the child of agency and resilience. Rabia's model suggests that true love involves labor but not depletion. The adoptive parent gives generously but maintains their own psychological, emotional, and spiritual center. This actually strengthens the child's development: they are not burdened with the parent's emotional survival. They see that love can be both committed and boundaried. Rabia's teaching invites adoptive parents to examine their motivation: Are they parenting from genuine love or from unconscious need to prove something, fix something, or earn love in return? Sustainable devotion means showing up fully while maintaining integrity, creating a model of love that the child can healthily internalize and eventually offer to others.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
Explore related journeys or tell Peri what you're working through.