Love Without Appetite or Aversion

Rabia taught love without appetite—not seeking reward, not fleeing punishment. This psychological principle is transformative for belonging. Much of our difficulty with fitting in stems from appetite: desperate need to be included, to be special, to be safe. This hunger distorts everything. When you join a group from desperation, you become reactive—overly accommodating, defensive, attention-seeking. Conversely, aversion—rejecting groups out of pride or fear—also creates fitting in, just in reverse. True belonging emerges only when you're neither grasping nor fleeing. You engage with community from a place of wholeness, not hole-filling. This doesn't mean apathy; Rabia's love was passionate. It means your participation flows from who you are, not from what you need to become or avoid becoming. Practically: examine your communities. Do you seek inclusion desperately? Do you hold yourself aloof to protect your ego? Either pattern prevents belonging. Rabia's path asks you to settle internally first, then let community be a gift rather than a necessity.