Practicing compassion for the difficult, withdrawn, or rejecting aspects of your adolescent, seeing their shadow as worthy of love.
Rabia famously said she loved God not from fear of Hell or hope of Paradise, but purely. This pure love extended to all of creation, including its flaws. Parents encounter their teen's most unlovable moments: sullenness, cruelty, ingratitude, rebellion. The natural impulse is conditional love—warmth when they're pleasant, withdrawal when they're difficult. Rabia's tradition invites a radical alternative: practicing love specifically toward the parts of the teen that seem least deserving of it. This doesn't mean accepting harmful behavior; it means separating the person from the action, and seeing the scared, confused adolescent beneath the acting out. When a parent can say, "I love you even when I don't like your choices," they model unconditional belonging. This practice transforms the parent's internal stance from resentment to compassion, which teens sense. Over time, a teen who experiences being loved through their worst phase develops resilience and self-compassion.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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