Loving What Is, Not What Was Expected

Rabia taught that true love arises when we stop demanding that reality conform to our desires and instead fall in love with what actually is. Many adoptive parents arrive with expectations: the age, gender, background, temperament, or potential of the child they imagined. The real child—with their specific trauma history, learning differences, behavioral patterns, or health needs—may not match this image. The invitation of Rabia's wisdom is radical: grieve the imagined child, and then practice falling in love with the actual one before you. This child, with their specific gifts and challenges, becomes the teacher. Love becomes an act of presence rather than projection. You ask: Who is this person? What do they need? How do I meet them where they are? This shift from expectation to presence dissolves resentment, allows the child to be seen as they truly are, and opens space for authentic belonging to emerge—not despite the child's realness, but because of it.