The Gift of Necessary Grief

Rabia's spiritual path involved profound grief: grief for attachments released, for the person she had been, for the life she chose not to live. While often unacknowledged, adolescence and parenthood of adolescents are marked by necessary griefs. The parent grieves the loss of the child they knew—the small, dependent person who needed them in specific ways. The teen grieves the loss of childhood, the dissolution of family as the primary identity source, the innocence of not yet being fully responsible for their own life. When these griefs are denied or pathologized, they fester as resentment or depression. Rabia's model suggests that naming grief—really feeling it—is a path through rather than a sign of failure. A parent might say: "I'm sad that you're growing up and need me differently. And I'm also proud of who you're becoming." A teen might acknowledge: "I'm angry about how much harder life is than I thought." When both parties can hold their griefs in the presence of each other, something alchemizes. The grief becomes a shared human experience rather than a source of shame or blame. This deepens empathy and reveals that love persists beneath and through loss.