Rabia's distinction between attachment-based love (which picks favorites) and devotional love (which remains constant regardless of merit or benefit).
Rabia distinguished between two kinds of love. Preferential love says: I love you because you are beautiful, successful, kind to me, or worthy in some way. This love is conditional—it persists only as long as the conditions hold. It is the love of commerce and exchange. Pure love, which she called ishq, says: I love because loving is who I am. No reason, no condition, no transaction. This love is not diminished when the beloved disappoints or changes. Rabia taught both forms exist, but only pure love builds true community and spiritual maturity. Favoritism always rests on preferential love—we favor those we judge worthy, attractive, or useful. We withhold from those we judge deficient. This creates the suffering of the rejected and the anxiety of the favored (who fear losing their status). Pure love allows us to hold someone accountable for harmful behavior while maintaining their fundamental belonging. A parent can set boundaries with a child while loving completely. A leader can make difficult decisions affecting employees while regarding each with genuine care. The radical claim: Pure love actually makes us more effective—less corrupted by bias, more able to see clearly, more trustworthy. The question: Where in your life does preferential love masquerade as authentic connection? Where might pure devotion change everything?
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
Explore related journeys or tell Peri what you're working through.