Releasing the unconscious expectation that adopted children will be grateful, compliant, or emotionally available in ways that repay the parent's sacrifice.
Rabia's central teaching was love without condition, fear, or hope of return—what scholars call 'disinterested love.' This directly addresses a hidden toxin in some adoptive families: the unconscious belief that the child should be grateful for being 'chosen' or saved, and therefore owe the parent emotional compliance or loyalty. Pure devotion in this context means parents choose to parent without needing the child to be a certain way to justify the choice. The child may struggle, may have difficult behaviors, may eventually choose limited contact with the adoptive family—and this does not negate the parent's commitment or the validity of the adoption. This framework prevents the common dynamic where parental love becomes conditional on the child's performance of gratitude, emotional availability, or success. Instead, the parent's love is offered freely, allowing the child to develop their own authentic relationship to the family bond without coercion.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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