How the distribution of attention and time (not resources or affection alone) determines who experiences genuine belonging and who experiences exclusion.
Rabia was known for her radical availability to anyone who sought her teaching or companionship. This was remarkable in a hierarchical society where status determined access. Time is the most honest indicator of whom we truly value; we cannot fake the distribution of our hours. Favoritism often manifests most clearly in time: some people get your best hours, your full attention, your space to grow; others get the remnants. Parents show favoritism through differential time investment in children's pursuits. Leaders show it by mentoring some while ignoring others. Friends show it by being fully present with some and partially checked-out with others. The cost of this invisible inequality is that excluded people register—often wordlessly—that their presence doesn't matter enough to earn your real attention. They develop the wound of not-mattering. Over time, this erodes their belief in their own worth and their willingness to invest in community. Rabia's practice of making herself available to all, regardless of status, was her most radical teaching. For modern practitioners breaking favoritism patterns, this translates into concrete practices: How are you distributing your focused attention? Are certain people getting your full presence while others receive your distracted availability? Can you restructure your time commitments to ensure genuine access across your community? This practice demands sacrifice but creates the conditions for true belonging.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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