The spiritual discipline of surrendering your agenda for who your adult child should become, trusting their own unfolding path.
Parents invest decades shaping their children toward particular outcomes: educational achievement, moral rectitude, social success. Rabia teaches radical surrender—a willingness to love what is rather than engineer what could be. With adult children, this discipline becomes essential. Your job is no longer formation but release. This doesn't mean indifference to their wellbeing; rather, it means distinguishing between genuine concern (they seem isolated; are they okay?) and hidden agenda (they haven't married the right person according to my timeline). Notice where you still harbor secret hopes for how they should evolve. These unspoken expectations create invisible resentment when unmet. Releasing the need to shape requires naming and grieving the version of your child you imagined. Once grieved, space opens for genuine relationship with who they actually are. Rabia's devotion required complete surrender of her will to something beyond her control. Applied here, it liberates both parent and child from the exhausting dance of approval-seeking and disappointed expectation.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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