A framework honoring that adoption simultaneously holds loss and love, grief and gratitude, allowing the child and family to hold both emotions as sacred and true.
Rabia's devotional poetry often contained paradox—overwhelming love intertwined with longing, ecstatic union alongside the pain of separation. In adoption, this concept invites families to resist the false choice between 'grateful' and 'grieving.' The child may love their adoptive family while grieving the loss of biological connection, their birth country, or life circumstances. Both are true. The parent may celebrate becoming a parent while honoring the child's loss. Rabia's model suggests that such apparent contradictions are not obstacles to spiritual wholeness but essential parts of it. Practically, this means: creating space for the child to express sadness about adoption without it threatening family bonds; acknowledging loss days (birth day, adoption day, First Family contact) as occasions to honor complexity; teaching the child that they can belong fully to the adoptive family while missing other origins. This prevents the psychological splitting that occurs when children feel they must choose between loyalty to one family and honest grief about another. Sacred grief and joy together create wholeness—the permission to feel the full spectrum of truth about their story.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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