Bonding deepens when caregivers release projections and meet the actual child—not the imagined or wished-for child.
Rabia taught the practice of surrender—not passive acceptance but active release of the ego's demands and expectations. Applied to parenting, this means relinquishing the fantasy of the child one imagined during pregnancy and meeting the actual being who has arrived. The newborn comes with their own temperament, sensitivities, and nature; the caregiver's bonding capacity depends partly on whether they can see and love this particular child rather than insisting the child conform to a predetermined image. This is challenging work. A mother may have imagined a calm, easy infant and received a highly sensitive, inconsolable one. A father may have expected a robust child and encountered a fragile one. Rabia's surrender asks caregivers to grieve the fantasy and embrace the reality. This acceptance, paradoxically, deepens bonding because the child feels truly seen and met. The legacy becomes: you are loved for who you are, not for fitting an image. This foundation allows the child to develop authentic selfhood rather than a false self constructed to please the caregiver.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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