Surrendering the Beloved's Specialness

Among Rabia's most challenging teachings was the practice of ishlah—releasing even the beloved back to the divine. She instructed her followers not to cling to those they loved, not to claim them as special possessions. This strikes at favoritism's root: the belief that those we love belong more to us than to the whole. We favor our children, partners, friends partly because we experience them as 'ours.' Rabia distinguished between loving presence and possessive attachment. The practice involves a daily release: acknowledging that this person belongs to existence itself, has value independent of my preference, will continue having worth even when we part. This isn't coldness—Rabia loved fiercely—but a spiritually mature form of freedom that paradoxically deepens real connection. The cost of refusing this practice is high: relationships become fragile, dependent on constant reassurance of specialness; we jealously guard those we favor; we punish those outside our circle for the crime of existing outside it. Through ishlah, we transform favoritism into what Rabia called wudd—a love that serves the beloved's full humanity rather than our ego's image of them.