Recognize that adoptive family bonds strengthen when both parent and child acknowledge loss, honor origins, and move toward each other with eyes open.
Rabia's love of the Divine included unflinching acknowledgment of her own state as servant—she did not pretend to be other than she was. For adoptive families, genuine belonging requires two-directional honesty. The parent must grieve the biological child they did not have; the child must grieve the birth family they lost. The family must grieve the adoption story that obscures both truths. When parents hide their own losses or resist the child's grief about birth family, they teach the child that authenticity is not safe. Rabia's tradition teaches that love deepens through witnessing each other's reality without flinching. This means adoptive parents create space for the child's birth family legacy, support their curiosity or desire for reunion, and resist the temptation to be "enough." It means children learn that their parents are secure enough to be grieved with, questioned, and even found insufficient without the family dissolving. Two-directional belonging means everyone's loss is honored and everyone moves toward connection despite—not because of—those losses.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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