The Tyranny of Deservingness

Favoritism always carries a story: this child is more talented, this employee more dedicated, this friend more understanding. These stories construct deservingness—the belief that unequal regard is actually just reward aligned with actual differences. Rabia's teaching demolishes this logic. In her theology, no one deserves divine love; all receive it as gift. By extension, human love is also gift, not earned through performance or merit. The tyranny of deservingness appears when people internalize that they must earn belonging—becoming trapped in endless striving for a regard that should be unconditional. In families, the 'deserving' child may excel outwardly while suffering under the burden of unspoken conditionality: maintain your worthiness or lose your place. Those deemed less deserving are liberated from striving but imprisoned in unworthiness. Both experiences are diminishing. The framework exposes how narratives of merit mask the ego's simpler mechanics: we love what mirrors us, what flatters us, what demands least from us. Rabia offers liberation: examine your language of deservingness. Who are you telling yourself is worthy of attention, care, time? And what does that reveal about what you believe you yourself deserve?