A diagnostic framework identifying how hidden self-interest masks itself as care, revealing the unconscious contracts that fuel favoritism in relationships and institutions.
Rabia distinguished between love rooted in fear or reward-seeking and love rooted in pure devotion. Applied to favoritism, this reveals a critical pattern: we often favor people from whom we derive benefit—status, validation, loyalty—while telling ourselves we're acting fairly. This self-deception is the veil of selfish motive. In organizational settings, managers favor employees who align with their vision; in families, parents may unconsciously favor the child who reflects their values. By examining our favoritism through Rabia's lens, we ask: whose interests does this choice serve? What am I receiving from this arrangement? This unflinching self-inquiry costs us our illusions of neutrality but gains us integrity and restores trust with those we've marginalized or overlooked.
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