An ethical practice where parents hold space for a child's complex feelings about adoption without requiring appreciation, mirroring Rabia's unconditional devotion.
Rabia famously rejected performing good deeds for heavenly reward, insisting on pure love 'for love's sake alone.' Many adoptive parents unconsciously expect gratitude as unconscious payment for providing security and belonging. This concept teaches parents to witness their child's full emotional spectrum—grief about separation, anger about loss, ambivalence about identity—without requiring the child to perform gratitude in return. The parent's role becomes sacred witnessing rather than transactional rescue. This shift prevents adoptive children from developing compulsive pleasing behaviors or shame about their 'difficult' feelings. By releasing the expectation of gratitude, parents paradoxically create safer conditions for authentic attachment, allowing children to integrate adoption into their identity without the emotional burden of repaying a debt of love.
Peri can explain this concept, give practical examples, help you decide whether it applies to your situation, or recommend a journey if appropriate.
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