My brother and I are both in our forties and our mom still calls us separately to complain about the other one instead of talking to us directly about family conflicts. We've started comparing notes and realized she's been doing this for years, but neither of us knows how to break the pattern without hurting her feelings or making family gatherings weird.
More people experience this than they realize.
Long-established patterns of triangulated communication are preventing direct relationship while burdening everyone with emotional labor that belongs elsewhere.
“Where Are You with Love Under Financial Stress?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.