My mom and I used to have this running commentary about everything that made us both crack up, but since Dad died our interactions feel dutiful and sad, like we're both afraid that laughing together would be disrespectful to his memory.
More people experience this than they realize.
Grief has convinced you that joy would be a betrayal, when it might actually be the most honest way to honor what was lost.
“Where Are You with Buddhist ecology?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.