My partner and I have been learning about polyvagal theory together to help with our trauma responses, but we keep getting into fights about who's 'really' dysregulated and whether the other person is actually using the tools or just performing self-regulation. It feels like we're weaponizing the theory against each other instead of using it to heal.
More people experience this than they realize.
The very framework meant to create safety is being used to judge and control rather than to genuinely co-regulate.
“Where Are You with Polyvagal theory in practice?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.