My partner and I have been studying the Abhidharma together for two years and we keep getting stuck on whether our emotional reactions to each other are 'real' or just arising and passing mental formations. When we fight, one of us inevitably brings up impermanence or non-self and it feels like spiritual bypassing but also maybe it's genuine insight and we can't tell the difference anymore.
More people experience this than they realize.
You're using sophisticated psychological teachings as a defense against the vulnerability of actually feeling with each other.
“Where Are You with Buddhist psychology in depth — Abhidharma?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.