My wife grew up in foster care and has a really hard time believing I won't leave, and I grew up with a depressed mother so I'm constantly trying to fix her emotional states, and we're both exhausted by this dance where my efforts to help feel controlling to her and her withdrawal feels like failure to me.
More people experience this than they realize.
Complementary attachment wounds can create a system where each person's healing strategy becomes the other's trauma trigger.
“Where Are You with Attachment in adult relationships?”
If this sounds familiar, the Library can help you find the bigger picture.