How do I carry the lives I'm responsible for as a commander?

You command in service of something you believe is worth the cost, and you carry the lives you risk as the true weight of your oath. That is command understood rightly. You have not let yourself grow hard to it, and you have not let it paralyze you. You bear it, which is the whole of what the oath asks. The lasting danger is the slow drift of long responsibility: either the weight grinds you down, or time and repetition dull it. Both are failures of the same thing, staying fully present to what you carry. The commanders who hold up over years are the ones who keep the lives real to themselves without being crushed, day after day. That balance is a practice, not a one-time achievement. Renew the oath in yourself deliberately. Now and then, apart from any crisis, remember why the purpose is worth the cost, and let yourself feel again what you are responsible for. Do not wait for a hard day to reconnect with it. Return to it on purpose, in the quiet, and the burden will stay meaningful instead of becoming either numbness or despair.