How do I carry the pressure of holding everyone's access?

You hold the keys to everything, and with them a quiet dread that one slip could expose it all. That weight is real. It is the price of being trusted with something that matters, and feeling it means you are taking it seriously. But dread and care are not the same thing. Care makes you careful. Dread just wears you down while changing nothing. You cannot make the stakes smaller, but you can stop carrying them as raw fear and start carrying them as steady process. The goal is not to never make a mistake. It is to build a system where a single mistake cannot bring everything down. Put in the guardrails that protect you from yourself. Checks that require a second set of eyes on the biggest changes. Logs you can trust. Steps you cannot skip when tired. Let the system hold some of the weight so you do not have to hold all of it alone.