How do I carry the responsibility of every life on my train?

You read the whole system now without thinking, and with that mastery came a heavy truth: every person behind you is in your hands. That weight is real. You are right to feel it. A person who took it lightly would not deserve the seat you sit in. But carrying it well does not mean carrying it tense every second. Your skill is what keeps them safe, not your worry. The instinct you built is trustworthy. Let it do its work. Fear that runs too hot actually clouds the judgment those lives depend on. One small practice: at the end of a run, set the weight down on purpose. Name that the shift is over and the people arrived safe. You are allowed to be proud and then rest. The responsibility returns when you need it, and so will you.