How do I carry the weight of always being ready?

You are ready now. But readiness turned out to carry a weight you did not expect, the constant awareness of what you might be called to do, sitting heavy even in the quiet moments. That heaviness is not a sign you are not cut out for this. It is the honest cost of taking seriously what most people never have to think about. The weight comes from holding, at all times, the possibility of the worst. That is a real burden, and carrying it well does not mean not feeling it. The strongest people in your position are not the ones who feel nothing. They are the ones who let themselves feel the weight and still stay steady, who do not pretend it is light. Do not carry it alone and silent. Find the others who know the same weight and let it be spoken between you, even briefly. And build moments that are truly off, where you set the readiness down on purpose and let yourself be an ordinary person for an hour. You can be ready without being braced every second. The weight gets lighter when it is shared and set down sometimes.