How do I carry the weight of decisions that risk my people's lives?

The decisions you make can cost your people their lives, and the full moral weight of that is only now reaching you. That arrival can feel like a burden landing all at once. But it is not something going wrong. It is your conscience growing to match the size of your responsibility, and that is exactly as it should be. Do not rush to make the weight lighter. Leaders who cannot bear it often protect themselves by going numb, by treating people as pieces on a board. That is the real failure. The weight is supposed to be heavy, because it is the felt truth that these are human lives and not numbers. Carrying it well, not escaping it, is the task in front of you. Give it somewhere to go besides pure dread. Turn it into rigor: prepare harder, plan more carefully, question the decisions that put people at risk more thoroughly than anyone would require. Let the weight make you better at protecting them. That is how you honor it, and how you keep it from crushing you instead.