How do I carry the weight of sending people I care about into danger?

You can pull anyone out of anything. And still, the hardest part of your job is not the danger you face but the danger you send others into, people you love. That weight is not a flaw in you. It is the weight of leadership done with a real heart. A leader who felt nothing here would be far more dangerous than you. You cannot make the risk disappear. What you can do is make sure that when you send someone in, it is with the best preparation, the clearest plan, and the fullest respect for what you are asking. You honor them not by refusing to send them, but by never sending them carelessly. That is the burden well carried. After the hard calls, tell your people plainly that you feel the weight of ordering them into danger. Not to burden them, but so they know their risk is seen and never taken for granted. Carried openly, that weight becomes trust between you, instead of a stone you hold alone.