How do I carry what I've seen that civilians can't understand?

You can do the job through anything, and you came away carrying things most people around you have no frame for. There is a loneliness in that. You sit at a table where others talk about small worries, and you hold images and moments they could not imagine. It is not their fault, and it is not yours. You simply went where they have not. You do not need everyone to understand. That is an impossible bar, and reaching for it will only deepen the isolation. What you need is a few people who do, and a way to let some of the weight out rather than sealing it in. Sealed in, it hardens and cuts you off from the people who love you. Let out in the right place, it becomes something you can live alongside. Find the ones who have been where you have been, even a single person, and speak plainly with them about the things you cannot say elsewhere. And with the civilians you love, you do not have to make them understand it all. You just have to let them near you. Start with one conversation, in one of those two directions, this month.