How do I rest when I'm always on guard against an attack?

You can spot an attack on instinct, and that gift comes with a curse you know too well. The attacker only has to succeed once, and you have to succeed always, so the vigilance never fully switches off. Carrying that around the clock is exhausting, and it is no wonder rest feels out of reach. Hold this plainly: no defender wins every time, and no system is ever perfectly safe. If you demand total, permanent protection from yourself, you have taken on a burden no human can carry, and it will wear you down long before any attacker does. Your job is to make yourself hard to breach and to respond well when something slips, not to be flawless forever. Accepting that limit is not giving up, it is the only way to last. Guard your rest as seriously as you guard the network, because a defender who never recovers gets slow and misses things. Build the layers, the alerts, the backups, so the system watches while you sleep, and then actually let yourself sleep. You keep the watch better when you do not try to keep it alone and unbroken. The vigilance should be a discipline, not a cage.