How do I stop becoming cynical after years as a cop?

Fifteen years on patrol, and you have seen enough of the worst that you do not recognize the cynical person looking back at you. That is grief, really, for the more open version of yourself the job wore down. But hear this: you only miss him because he is still in there. A truly cynical man does not mourn his own hope. Cynicism is what caring turns into when it gets no relief. You saw too much pain with too few chances to set it down, so your mind built walls to keep functioning. Those walls got you through. The trouble is they do not only block the ugliness, they block the good, the humor, the small decencies, the reasons you started. You do not have to become naive again, and you could not if you tried. But you can crack a door. Notice one good thing on shift, the person you helped, the partner you trust, the small kindness that still happens. And take the weight seriously enough to talk to someone who works with officers. The man you miss is not gone. He is just been standing behind a wall you are allowed to lower.