What if I never really chose my career?

You have never made a deliberate career decision. Each move was a reaction — an opportunity that appeared, a necessity that pushed, a default you fell into. You have reached seniority through drift rather than direction, and now you look back and cannot find a single moment you truly chose. That can feel unsettling, even a little hollow. But drift is not the same as failure. Reacting well to what life put in front of you took real skill and judgment, and it carried you somewhere real. Plenty of deliberate plans end worse than your accidents did. Still, the discomfort you feel is worth listening to. It is asking whether the next move might be chosen rather than absorbed. You cannot rewrite the path behind you, but you can make one decision ahead of you on purpose. Pick a single question about your direction and actually sit with it, rather than waiting for the next opportunity to decide for you. One chosen step does not erase the drift. It just proves you can steer, which is all direction ever really is.