What is swallowing other people's anger doing to me?

You have gotten so good at absorbing hostility that you barely notice it anymore. But not noticing is not the same as not being hurt. Every bit of anger you swallow to keep the peace goes somewhere, and if it does not come out, it settles in you, quiet and heavy. The skill that protects everyone else has quietly stopped protecting you. The cost is real even when it is invisible. People who are good at staying calm under fire often pay for it later, in tension they cannot explain, in a tiredness that sleep does not fix, in a slow flatness. You did not stop feeling the hostility. You just stopped letting yourself notice, and the feeling went underground. So start by letting yourself notice again. After a hard interaction, take one honest moment to name what you actually felt, even if you did not show it: that was insulting, that scared me, that made me angry. You do not have to act on it. You just have to stop pretending it cost you nothing. Seeing the cost is the first step to not paying it alone.