Why am I too harsh when I doubt my authority?

Underneath, you are not sure of your authority, so you overcorrect, going harder than the moment needs, terse and unyielding and quick to assert yourself. You have mistaken harshness for strength. And the real cost is that it drains away the trust that genuine authority actually runs on. That is a painful trade, made for understandable reasons. The instinct makes a kind of sense. When you feel shaky inside, softness feels like exposure, so you armour up and come on strong. But hardness is not the same as strength. A truly secure leader can be calm, even gentle, and still be respected, because their authority does not depend on force. It is the uncertain ones who have to keep proving it through edge and pressure. So the next time you feel the urge to come down hard, pause and ask what the situation actually needs. Usually it is clarity, not severity. Try giving the firm message in a steady, human voice instead of a sharp one. You will find the firmness lands better without the edge. You are not going soft. You are learning that real strength does not have to shout, and that trust is worth more than fear.