Why do I take neutral feedback as an attack?

A flat, factual sentence lands on you as a blow. You hear disapproval and disappointment in a tone that carried none, and you react to an aggression that was never actually in the room. That is not you being oversensitive on purpose; it is your nervous system reading threat where there is only information. This usually comes from somewhere, a history where feedback really did come wrapped in anger or rejection, so your body learned to brace. The bracing was useful once. Now it fires at neutral words and pulls you into defending yourself against an attack that is not happening. Knowing the reaction is old, and not a fair reading of the present, is the beginning of loosening it. Give yourself a small gap between the words and your response. When feedback stings, pause and ask, plainly, what did they actually say, just the words, not the tone I heard. Often you will find the sentence itself is neutral, and the threat was added by you. You do not have to trust the alarm every time it rings. With practice, the gap widens, and neutral starts to feel neutral again.