Why does my body tense up during sex and how do I work with it?

Tension is never just a physical thing—it's your whole system communicating something. Sometimes it's old fear held in the muscles. Sometimes it's current disconnection from what's happening. The impulse to force relaxation usually makes it worse, because you're adding effort to something that's already contracted. Start by noticing where the tension lives without trying to change it. Is it in your jaw, your shoulders, your pelvic floor? Just name it. Often we tense because we're not fully present, or because some part of us doesn't feel safe. So the real work is investigating safety, not just stretching. Physical practices help: gentle stretching, yoga, walking—anything that helps you inhabit your body more. But the deeper work is slower intimacy with someone you trust. When you feel safe, your body will naturally release tension. If it doesn't, that's information too. Sometimes the tension is protecting something real—and that deserves respect. Consider that tension might be asking you to slow down, to check in, or sometimes to pause altogether. Your body isn't malfunctioning. It's asking to be heard. Listen to it as you would a friend reaching out.