How do I know if I'm making real friends in college or just surface connections?

This question sits at the heart of so much young adult loneliness, and I'm glad you're asking it. Real friendship requires what I call *mutual recognition*—the sense that someone sees you, not just your resume or your party-self. Surface connections feel like you're performing; real ones let you be quieter, messier, more uncertain. Start by noticing: When you're with someone, do you leave feeling more known or more exhausted? Can you bring up something that matters to you—a fear, a failure, a weird thought—without rehearsing it first? Real friends ask follow-up questions; they remember what you said last month. The tricky part is that depth takes *time* and *repetition*. College's transient nature works against this. So be intentional: instead of spreading yourself thin across ten acquaintances, invest in two or three people you actually want to know better. Show up consistently. Share something true before waiting for them to go first. Also know this: quality over quantity is especially important in your early twenties, when you're still figuring out who you actually are. A few real friendships now will anchor you through all the changes ahead. The surface connections will fade, and that's okay.